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Do you look for "The one"?
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
Posts: 12237
Location: SE Wisconsin
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

MonserinNC wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
There is more than one "the one". Truth is anybody w/ the right chemistry and the commitment to work on the relationship can be the one. But you can't know if somebody is the one w/o first going on a date. I met my ex-wife while I was dating somebody else, a mutual friend introduced us when he brought her along to karaoke one night. 6 weeks later we were set up at an anti-valentines party, 7 months later were married. We had good and bad times, really more good than bad, but the bad was really bad. Could she have been the one? Absolutely, had things worked out a little differently, had both of us been a little better about communicating our problems and about working thru the hard times, we could easily have stayed together for the rest of our lives. Did I have any idea when we met on that night in early January that we would get married? Not a clue. I was with somebody else who I thought was "the one".

My advice to anybody is, if you don't feel like going on a date, don't, but if you are just looking for the one, and think all else is a waste, you are missing out on a ton of experiences in your life, and you may let "the one" just slide right by.

BTW ROFLMFAO at the notion that anybody knows whether or not they want kids before they have them, especially guys.



I can see it. I'd much rather have someone realize kids are not for them then take a chance and have them and realize they really are not. I completely understand there are some out there who think they don't want any but then do and completely love parenthood, but there are also lots that sadly do not. I hate when I hear about unwanted children being out there. If you know it's not for you, then you know. If you do become a parent, be there always.


Yea this, haha, it would be pretty weird if you figured out you didnt want kids AFTER you had one, haha. I actually work for department of children and family services here in Chicago and its not pretty when it does happen.

People know when they dont want kids all the time. We have nieces nephews, cousins, and like myself I work with children. I have a cousin who actually writes a series of childrens books based on her niece(my younger cousin) and she doesnt want kids.

You guys really kind of jumped the shark with the "you dont know till you have them" idea


I'm sure it does happen for a lot of people. Where they didn't know they wanted kids till they had them, and it's the best thing in the world that happened to them. But it's not for everyone, and I'd rather have someone know that then have one and the child feels unwanted. I'm sure where you work you see that at times. That is the most heartbreaking thing ever. A child who doesn't think their parent (s) love them.
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MonserinNC


Joined: 18 Jan 2006
Posts: 5231
Location: Back in the CHIIII
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:


I'm sure it does happen for a lot of people. Where they didn't know they wanted kids till they had them, and it's the best thing in the world that happened to them. But it's not for everyone, and I'd rather have someone know that then have one and the child feels unwanted. I'm sure where you work you see that at times. That is the most heartbreaking thing ever. A child who doesn't think their parent (s) love them.


Actually my job is a lot of upbeat people, a big part of our job is to remain positive and to normalize the childs issues so that they are comfortable talking to us and feel safe while in DCFS custody.

Its actually very fun most of the time, I take kids to movies, out to restaurants, play games with them etc. Its just that I do have to discuss why they were taken and some traumatic issues.
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Superman(DH23)


Joined: 03 Jan 2008
Posts: 19160
Location: Abdi on the sick sig
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 3:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
There is more than one "the one". Truth is anybody w/ the right chemistry and the commitment to work on the relationship can be the one. But you can't know if somebody is the one w/o first going on a date. I met my ex-wife while I was dating somebody else, a mutual friend introduced us when he brought her along to karaoke one night. 6 weeks later we were set up at an anti-valentines party, 7 months later were married. We had good and bad times, really more good than bad, but the bad was really bad. Could she have been the one? Absolutely, had things worked out a little differently, had both of us been a little better about communicating our problems and about working thru the hard times, we could easily have stayed together for the rest of our lives. Did I have any idea when we met on that night in early January that we would get married? Not a clue. I was with somebody else who I thought was "the one".

My advice to anybody is, if you don't feel like going on a date, don't, but if you are just looking for the one, and think all else is a waste, you are missing out on a ton of experiences in your life, and you may let "the one" just slide right by.

BTW ROFLMFAO at the notion that anybody knows whether or not they want kids before they have them, especially guys.



I can see it. I'd much rather have someone realize kids are not for them then take a chance and have them and realize they really are not. I completely understand there are some out there who think they don't want any but then do and completely love parenthood, but there are also lots that sadly do not. I hate when I hear about unwanted children being out there. If you know it's not for you, then you know. If you do become a parent, be there always.
There's nothing that irks me more than parents who aren't there for their kids. Unfortunately I've seen it alot, more w/ guys sad to say, but I've seen plenty of bad mothers too. But I have several buddies who have been like "I'm not having kids". Then they got married thought they still weren't having kids, somewhere between 25-30 the wives usually got the blues and that was all she wrote. But they are great proud papa's now. A couple of them are waaaaaaay overprotective (mostly the one's w/ girls) Laughing
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NextBigThing


Joined: 26 Oct 2009
Posts: 22623
Location: Beat Of My Own Drum
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 4:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is interesting because I have spent a lot of talking about 'this' in recent months.

Ignorance is bliss, and that is the truth. Optimistic, perhaps naive, people are happier then pessimistic, gloomy people.

For people who believe in the idea of "the one", and who believe they are with "the one", it is certainly true. I know many couples who got married in their 20s, are now in their 50s, and still feel the exact same way they did then. I have alllways felt this comes down to personality types. Some just get along better with people than others do. For the ones who dont get along...no, there may not be 'the one' for them.

My girlfriend and I were friends for a good 6 months before we became close. After 5 months of getting very close, we started t hook up /unofficially date. This went one for another 6 months until we became 'official'. She had a looong term boyfriend for the entirety of the pre official stuff (about 16 months total, with us being very close for about a year).

I'd never really thought about the concept of 'the one' until she brought it up. She was perfectly happy with her boyfriend (theyd dated for 5 years), had all these plans for the future, etc...then she meets me, and everything changed. It took a while - a good 11 months -, but when it hit her how she felt, it was like an entire new world. She felt the same as she had felt before towards her boyfriend, rather everything else was just new. She could feel the way she felt about him towrds me, BUT could never feel the way she felt towards me about him.

It was an issue for me before we became an official, because I am a believer in the "once a cheater, always a cheater" type of thing. Similarly, in relationships there are these "rules" that you dont get THAT close with other people you may be attracted; no emotional or physical affairs, etc. I am not the jealous type, and can handle her having strong relationships with other people, but I never want to feel left out either. I think building a long, serious, lasting relationship takes A LOT of commitment, but it is worth it. I think it comes down to ones perception of the relationship itself, and the personality type.

Before we agreed to become official, we had to come to some agreement over the way we perceived relationships in general, because I am a believer it is personality types. Certain types of people can and will get divorced, others wont. Its all about the way one perceives their partner & their relationship. I was very impressed when I met her parents, because they fit the 50 + couple mold mentioned above, and I think their daughter will be the same way.

I never saw the sense in "looking" for the one. Thats is just kind of fake. Imo, it was something would just happen. The second it really take effort, I think the legitimacy warrants questioning.

I am the type who..if I woke up one day, honestly wondering what I was doing, or having second thoughts, I wouldnt continue on with it. I am the type of person who does not get overly invested in something, or someone, easily. When I do, it is for the long haul. I seek long term relationships. In addition, she had made the choice to end it with her boyfriend of 5 1/2 years, so she could be with me, which I felt pretty bad about.

My girlfriend talked all about the idea of "the one", and how she thought that really holding this idea to your partner (once youve picked one); letting yourself believe that idea; is the key to a long relationship. It's feeling grateful, lucky, appreciative, etc that you have this person in this role in your life. AND it is having the feelings entirely reciprocated. Constantly feeling that "Unconditional love" from someone you admire; it makes you feel very good, very complete. 'The one' is wanting to share everything with someone else, and having them equally want to be there. You have to not only believe in the idea, but the feelings have to be real. Not lust or infatuation either. With my girlfriend and I, there was a brief period before we became official where we agreed it to go separate ways (I didnt want to, but she felt compelled to). This was kind of the nail in the coffin for her other relationship, because it made it painfully obvious to her how she felt about yours truly; the role she wanted me to have in her life, etc. She was beyond convinced that I was "the one". If that wasnt the case, she would not be feeling how she very strongly felt in her current situation.

I think for couples who get along, and both genuinely believe that concept, inside and out, the idea of 'the one' very much exists. In my case, though we had always talked about relationships and that stuff, she had never told me that stuff until she mad her 'pitch', if you will. It was so sincere, and so exactly the way I felt about it, that it won me over.

So I guess I do genuinely believe in 'the one'.
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navysaintsfan


Joined: 02 Jan 2006
Posts: 11159
Location: Frednecksburg, VA
PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 4:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I found "the one".

My wife, a lot like myself, loves gaming, college and pro football, anime and cartoons, comics, video games, reading (specifically high fantasy), love music, Dungeons and Dragons, gadgets, and so much more. I don't think I could find someone more perfect for me.
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