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BornToFly's Relationship Advice V.13
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Superman(DH23)


Joined: 03 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 3:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
scar988 wrote:
I wanna post something up about an idea that I've had called the friend zone challenge.
I would challenge every single girl to invite their best guy friend out on a romantic date and see if they have fun with them. At the end of the night, they have to kiss them.

If there are fireworks, good. That's the budding of a new romance.
If not, just be honest about it and say that there just isn't a romantic spark there.

Worst case, they stay friends and the friend zoned guys feel they at least got a shot.

Best case, I just hooked up a bunch of chicks with guys who treat them right.
Sounds like a good idea at first, but you have to understand that the girls aren't interested in the guy friends for a reason. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. The heart wants what the heart wants, it sux to have to hear it, and nothing sux more than unrequited love/lust, but it is what it is. You just have to deal and move on. If its not something you can handle, next time you hear we should just be friends, say no. Be polite about it, explain that its not something you're interested in b/c its too painful, but do it. No need to resent somebody for not liking you, its not their fault.


I've actually had a crush of prob 1/2 of my dude friends. But they remained friends and not more for various reasons. They had a gf, they weren't into me that way, I knew they weren't "good for me" and the list can go on.

I love my dude friends though. I'd be really hurt if one of them chose not to be my friend if I didn't think it would work romantically.
I'd like to say there's not a double standard, but there's a double standard. Women can become just friends w/ somebody they are attracted to, guys can try, but eventually the attraction takes control. I can handle being just friends w/ somebody I was into, if they dont' feel the same way about me. I've always handled rejection pretty well, but some guys can't handle it and they resent the girl b/c her feelings arent' the same as his.


That is interesting. I honestly feel like the ground work to a good relationship is being able to be friends with them. The only way to know that if you will be friends with someone is to actually be friends with them and see if there is anything else there instead of rushing into things.

I realize I'm in the minority in seeing things this way, and I'm ok with that, guess it's just how I prefer things.
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.
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scar988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.
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BornToFly


Joined: 08 Jan 2006
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jetsfandan423 wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
I think we discovered part of your problem. I typically message somebody for a few days and then offer my # for text/calls w/ 0 pressure. If they use it, text/call for a couple days before I ask her out. When you're dealing w/ online dating they kind of want to feel like they know you before going on a date. Just my 2 cents. If you're having issues w/ the topic of conversation, change it. Nobody says you have to continue talking about dogs.

bingo. I talked to this girl for a couple of days on the site, then 3-4 more by text before asking her out. That's probably why she was cool with it.



Indeed, the only girl that really replied back to me on that site, that's what we did. Sent a few messages online, moved to fb, then texting, then a phone call all within a week.

JFFL, at least you are getting responses. I wish I could at least get something back. Do you guys reccomment sending messages more than once, or would that seem annoying to people?


Um....You could try maybe sending another mesg after a week. I can see how it might be possible that a person had the intention of replying and then something else came up and they forgot. ( doesn't happen often, but giving the benefit of the doubt and say it might ) so, a week or two later, go ahead and shoot another message, if you don't hear anything again, move on. They were not interested
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BornToFly


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.



absolutely!

I get the chemistry and attraction too, but I have had times where attraction grew over time while the friendship developed. In fact more times than not. I also understand the chemistry thing, but I think it can be there while the friendship is developing. IDK-that might not make sense to everyone. I can be an odd duck like that sometimes. lol
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SaveourSonics


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.


There's no such thing as love. The sooner you accept that the sooner you can pop open the Jack D, pour it over some ice, and enjoy the reality of life.
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JohnChimpo


Joined: 29 Jan 2009
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 4:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

SaveourSonics wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.


There's no such thing as love. The sooner you accept that the sooner you can pop open the Jack D, pour it over some ice, and enjoy the reality of life.


I love Jack D.
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Jetsfandan423


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.



absolutely!

I get the chemistry and attraction too, but I have had times where attraction grew over time while the friendship developed. In fact more times than not. I also understand the chemistry thing, but I think it can be there while the friendship is developing. IDK-that might not make sense to everyone. I can be an odd duck like that sometimes. lol




I would agree with that too, my ex in college and I started off as friends and the attraction definitely grew the stronger our friendship developed.

Chemistry is one of those things that is wonderful if apparent from the start. However, it's not always everything. I had amazing chemistry with this girl a few months back, but it just never worked out.
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Jetsfandan423


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 7:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ha, maybe my patience will finally pay off. I'm talking to this cute blonde on PoF now, she seems pretty cool. Wish me luck guys!
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Superman(DH23)


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jetsfandan423 wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.



absolutely!

I get the chemistry and attraction too, but I have had times where attraction grew over time while the friendship developed. In fact more times than not. I also understand the chemistry thing, but I think it can be there while the friendship is developing. IDK-that might not make sense to everyone. I can be an odd duck like that sometimes. lol




I would agree with that too, my ex in college and I started off as friends and the attraction definitely grew the stronger our friendship developed.

Chemistry is one of those things that is wonderful if apparent from the start. However, it's not always everything. I had amazing chemistry with this girl a few months back, but it just never worked out.
chemistry isn't everything, but its essential in a lasting relationship. Its just one of the pieces of the puzzle.
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scar988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 10:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.



absolutely!

I get the chemistry and attraction too, but I have had times where attraction grew over time while the friendship developed. In fact more times than not. I also understand the chemistry thing, but I think it can be there while the friendship is developing. IDK-that might not make sense to everyone. I can be an odd duck like that sometimes. lol


I can understand that completely.

and I've been there as well. Just like the recruiter chick. it took a year for me to be like... wow. I like her as more than a friend.
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scar988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JohnChimpo wrote:
SaveourSonics wrote:
scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.


There's no such thing as love. The sooner you accept that the sooner you can pop open the Jack D, pour it over some ice, and enjoy the reality of life.


I love Jack D.

Jack D is a drink that runs deep in my family. (Aka everyone loves it.)

"Jack Daniels wouldn't do that to you. He's too good of a dude to give you a hangover." - My brother.
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scar988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 10:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Went on the date with the girl from online. Looked kind of like her picture, but also a lot better in person. I've always had a thing for Erika Christiansen and she looks a lot like her... So that's good. I'm really attracted to her...

on the bright side, she laughed and we had a great time during the date.
we didn't kiss. Which is not my normal for a first date, but she wasn't giving me the let's kiss signals either... but she was talking throughout the date about things to do next time (sushi, actually getting to the comedy club instead of taking an hour long walk downtown and forgetting about it.) so yeah, I'm gonna send her something either tomorrow or sunday just to be like, had a lot of fun, and I'd like to get to know you better.
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jetsfan4life51


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 10:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I only send one message. If they don't respond they aren't interested.
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Tooki


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 05, 2012 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

scar988 wrote:
Superman(DH23) wrote:
Well I'm a believer in you should marry your best friend, but I'm also a believer in chemistry too. Chemistry is one of those things you know right away whether you have. The spark is something I have to have. But in order to commit, I have to feel like the girl is also my best friend.

bingo. I want the girl to be my best friend, my lover, and my other half. I've always believed a good friendship is a good way to start a relationship.


+1

My current missus and I were best friends before we committed to a relationship.

It's the closest that I have felt to a keeper in my life.
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steadypimpin


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 06, 2012 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BornToFly wrote:
steadypimpin wrote:
BornToFly wrote:
steadypimpin wrote:
Today is my 4 year wedding anniversary. I got the wife a card and a dozen roses, do I need to get her a gift too? We're going out to a nice dinner saturday so I think thats good enough.


Honestly, flowers would of been perfect for me. And going out for dinner is nice. All women are different, but I don't like a lot of gifts personally. Unless you want to her a new book from an author she really enjoys or something like that.
I got her a kindle last year for her birthday so I can't get her an Amazon gift card. Laughing


Sure you could! That way she can buy books to put on the kindle. Smile
I ended up getting her a nice necklace with a pendant. She loved it. Jewelry never fails. I don't need to know her size either. Laughing
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