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TANK BAWSE: A Legend Reborn
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TytybearsFan21


Joined: 31 Mar 2011
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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 2:21 pm    Post subject: TANK BAWSE: A Legend Reborn Reply with quote

Boom Boom Boom

Last edited by TytybearsFan21 on Thu Aug 28, 2014 4:16 pm; edited 1 time in total
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 4:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Roger Goodell has had enough.

Season four of the 2014 NFL preseason was supposed to be a laid back week where nobodies showed off to their coaches and nothing exciting happened.

Instead, a few of the league's starters decided to skip the final game and do their own NFL version of The Purge.

St. Louis Ram wide receiver, Kenny Britt, punched a cop. They let him off with a warning because they're all on a first name basis now. Peyton Manning robbed a Papa Johns. Michael Vick went to a girl's sorority house in New Jersey and caused a catfight. Jay Cutler didn't break any laws, but he got this awful haircut:



And last but not least, Le'Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount got pulled over at a stoplight for doing the same exact thing they got in trouble for earlier this preseason.

Obligated to hold a press conference, Roger Goodell got up and stood in front of a room of reporters. With a bored look on his face, he pointed at the first reporter.

Jace Brown, Fox Sports: "Mr. Goodell, we have all heard of a large number of players in your league acting irrationally. Do you care to add a comment on that?"
Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner: "I've had enough of the nonsense. The NFL is not about this, and I need to bring the hammer down or else it really will never stop. Kenny Britt is getting a game suspension, regardless of his input or the input of his team. Michael Vick has been banned from the league; it was a little ridiculous of us to let him back in anyhow. Peyton Manning owns that Papa Johns, so I really couldn't care less for his indiscretion. I had no choice but to suspend Josh Gordon even after his appeal, so Bell and Blount should be no different. They are suspended for the season."
Timmy Johnson, fantasy expert: "Do you know how many fantasy teams you'll have disrupted?"
Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner: "This is the National Football League, not the National Fantasy Football League. This is of no significance to me. Next question?"
Reggie Saunders, ESPN:"Commissioner, how do you propose to stop all the off the field problems?"
Poster X, NFL Gen forum poster"Do yuo think Victor Crouse of the Gaints will still be hall of fame after Eli manning stole Papa Johns store?"
Bloom Adderly, nfl.com: "Mr. Goodell, what do you think of rumors that you will be replaced following this season?"
Roger Goodell, NFL Commissioner: "I feel as though punishing those who commit crimes will drill it in the heads of the players that they will not get away with it any longer. We are also hiring specialists for each team to talk to each of the players instructing them on appropriate mannerisms and off the field conduct. In regards to me being replaced, I have heard nothing about that. Thank you all for your time."

He grabbed a few notecards from the podium and started walking away before he turned back and said, "Oh yes, before I forget. James Harrison is being fined too. Because why not."

___________________________

Two days after the press conference, Mike Tomlin called Le'Veon Bell and LeGarrette Blount into his office.

Mike Tomlin: "Hello, did you bring your playbooks?"

Bell and Blount looked at each other and then placed them on the table.

Mike Tomlin: "Good. Thank you. LeGarrette, we are letting you go. We brought you in with certain expectations and you did not meet them."

LeGarrette punched the wall on the way out.

Mike Tomlin: "Le'Veon, you were a draft pick and a personal draft choice of mine. I'm keeping you on the 53 man roster, but one more slip up and you're gone. Understood?"

Bell nodded and walked out.

Mike Tomlin opened his phone book and started dialing numbers.

Three rings and he picked up.
???: "Hello?"
Mike Tomlin: "Drew Rosenhaus, I'm calling about Willis McGahee? This is Coach Tomlin."
Drew Rosenhaus: "Oh okay."
Mike Tomlin: "We were interested in bringing him in. He'd likely see significant playing time."
Drew Rosenhaus: "Unless you have a great offer, it's a no. You should've called five years ago when you guys actually had a decent team. McGahee wants a ring."
Mike Tomlin: "We don't have much salary cap room to play with. Thank you for your time."

Darius Reynaud and Michael Ford both screened his call, but Brian Leonard picked up after ringing for at least ten seconds.

Brian Leonard: "Who is this? I'm fishing on a boat right now and don't have the best reception."
Mike Tomlin: "Uh, Brian. This is Coach Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers wondering if you wanted to play for us."
Brian Leonard: "I am and forever will be a Bengal at heart. No way could I ever play for their rival. No thanks."

He hung up. He put his head in his hands and looked somberly at the wall. "Dri Archer it is then," he said with a sigh. "Wait a minute.." He flipped through another phone book and found the name he was looking for. Someone who was living in the rattiest apartments in all of Cleveland, in the absolute worst part of the ghetto.

The phone call was ignored, so Tomlin left a message.
"Hello, this is Coach Tomlin of the Pittsburgh Steelers. I know this is a long shot, but I w-"
Suddenly the phone picks up.
Tank Bawse: "'The **** is this?"
Mike Tomlin: "Uh, hey Tank. This is Coach Toh-"
Tank Bawse: "I'm hungry. Why you callin' this early.."
Mike Tomlin: "Tank, it's 4 pm.."
Tank Bawse: "Oh ****, I missed bre'fast."
Mike Tomlin: "Okay Tank. Are you interested in rejoining your Pittsburgh Steelers?"
Tank Bawse: "I don't give a ****. I'm drunk!"

Meet the newest and oldest member of the Pittsburgh Steelers, 40 year old, 6'3" 290 pound runningback Tank Bawse.

Tank has 9567 career yards on 1036 carries, 121 touchdowns 9.2 ypc and a long of 80. He also has 168 catches for 2304 yards, 15 touchdowns, 13.7 ypr, and a long of 70.



The legend is back.
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 5:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If you're following, say it. It motivates me to keep doing this.
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Victor Cruz Pun


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So excited, Tank Bawse is the GOAT. Also Jay Cutler looks like a psycho in that picture Laughing
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thebestever6 wrote:
I mean Shaun Hill not a bad backup, but the fact that they didnt touch Garapollo or Carr in the second blows my mom.
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NS922


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll be checking this out
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Tank Bawse gets ready for his first game.



He had little to no money to choose his getup, so he went to goodwill and found a pair of Nikes from the 70s and a neck roll from the 19th century. He rummaged through his old football stuff that lay ded in his closet and picked out gloves, his old visor, and the hand warmer that he secretly kept chicken wings in. He decided if he was gonna get hungry during games, he might at well have wings to eat between plays.
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RuskieTitan


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 8:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Following.
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titans0021 wrote:
Official Order
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 9:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ENTER THE BAWSE


Pittsburgh Steelers: 24
(0-0)
Cleveland Browns: 17
(0-0)


Tank Bawse had quite a game, showing off as if he'd never even quit. His first order of business was to kill someone ded. Predictable of him, but he felt he needed to anyway after his saint-like life in the Cleveland ghetto.


Tank Bawse breaks through wimpy 234 pound Craig Robertson's wimpy tackle on his first carry.

Tank's first score came on a busted play. All of Big Ben's receivers were shut down and he was about to break a knee (err take a knee) when he saw Tank Bawse in the endzone. What the refs and Big Ben didn't see was that Tank had left the field of play to eat a fan in the Steelers' bleacher seats' pretzel. The fan was so scared he gave it to him. Bawse walked back and was eating the pretzel when he felt something hit his back. Lodged in his fat rolls, the football stuck and while it was a traditional catch, that ball was going nowhere and was deemed a touchdown.

Tank broke off a few more big runs and scored a rushing touchdown as the Steelers barely inched past the Browns.

Add on: Tank Bawse was rushed to the hospital following Sunday's game after Tank Bawse suddenly came down with food illness from a poorly cooked stadium pretzel that made him have to use the bathroom.


Tank sprints for the bathroom

Tank Bawse had 183 yards on 21 carries for 8.7 ypc, a touchdown and a long of 22.
He had 19 yards on 5 catches for a touchdown.

Season stats:
21 car 183 yds 8.7 ypc 1 td 22 lg
5 cat 19 yds 3.8 ypr 1 td 7 lg
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bucsfan333


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 28, 2014 9:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yessir.
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RidiculousJames


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 8:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Following. Love you Tank <3.
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sick day so no new post. Should be up and running maņana
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Victor Cruz Pun


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

TytybearsFan21 wrote:
Sick day so no new post. Should be up and running maņana


Tank got food poisoning me reckons.
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thebestever6 wrote:
I mean Shaun Hill not a bad backup, but the fact that they didnt touch Garapollo or Carr in the second blows my mom.
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 29, 2014 9:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Victor Cruz Pun wrote:
TytybearsFan21 wrote:
Sick day so no new post. Should be up and running maņana


Tank got food poisoning me reckons.


Don't get confused. Tyty and Tank are about as much of the same person as Peter Parker and spiderman. We all know Parker is a photographer and too geeky to be spiderman. So we'll leave it at that.
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bucsfan333


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 2:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TytybearsFan21 wrote:
Victor Cruz Pun wrote:
TytybearsFan21 wrote:
Sick day so no new post. Should be up and running maņana


Tank got food poisoning me reckons.


Don't get confused. Tyty and Tank are about as much of the same person as Peter Parker and spiderman. We all know Parker is a photographer and too geeky to be spiderman. So we'll leave it at that.

So.... you got bitten by a radioactive football?
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TytybearsFan21


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 30, 2014 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

#Throwback Thursday

Madden 12 Tank Bawse



Madden 15 Tank Bawse


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