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The Dirt Sheet: Back like SOS' "Rash!"- Update p.3
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Ace5


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 12:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ianlewis16 wrote:
Reminds me of VD's retirement party


It was over before it started?

Awwww man kickin it to page three. Anything coming out of this thread? Besides Ian and I being awesome?
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The LBC


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 8:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fresh off the presses... and by this I refer to those less-than-desirable Asian masseuses who were miffed when told they had to rub down VD (or wherever VD actually was below all those wrinkles...), early rumblings of discussions by Dirt Sheet Operatives (reporters are for news... "news" is much more... clandestine) were leaked to the Interwebs and Social Media regarding the recent General Manager selections for FFMD12 Version 2.


Arrow Most notable, perhaps, is the brewing war between FF's favorite Brit (yeah... you heard us right, texans uk!), and friend of the Dirt Sheet, ianlewis16 and Will Smith poseur SaveourSonics... oh, and the respective staffs they've commandeered in New Orleans and Arizona, respectfully (no respect intended, it's just a figure of speech).

We at the Dirt Sheet can't help but notice that SOS might be taking his French lineage a bit too seriously with this whole "If you can't beat them, join them" approach he's now taken in the NFC West and his shift in allegiance to the rival Cardinals. Or maybe this is just a case of our poor Frenchie stumbling into the wrong camp, blind after gouging his own eyes out at first sight of these monstrosities:


Either way, we suggest that it might be pertinent for SOS to do a little more research into what's happened every time his people have tried crossing the Brits... because it wasn't pretty. In fact, even if we go over to that other football, the only team that's managed to look like even more of the proverbial primate making sweet, sweet love to a coconut than England's Three Lions has been the French Men's National squad.

Early Prediction: Rams GM jrry32 will attempt to claim SOS' defection from the Seachickens to the Cardinals as both a fear of facing him head-on in the battlefield of the NFC West AND as a way of trying to team up on the greatness of the formerly-#2-overall-pick Rams. SOS will deflect in some form of flawed logic that we at the Dirt Sheet will find too pedantic to even bother ridiculing, because the media still doesn't and won't care about the NFC West.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arrow New Bills GM... um... it's Tommy-something isn't it? Did jbgobills pull of some sort of mitosis and spawn a new Bills fan? Can he teach me how to pull this off in the Chargers Forum? I digress... this guy Tommy is claiming that he's going to layeth the smacketh down(eth) on the other GM's. I don't care if the Rock did win on Sunday or how awesome he was in his hey day, I'm not sure I'd want to be comparing myself to any man who is capable of this:


Do we need to remind this gentleman that he's representing a franchise stationed in Buffalo - which according to Ron Bunrgundy is German for "Epic Fail". they're already on this path... a quarterback from Harvard, really? Did they learn nothing from high school? The most successful QB's in the league of late are:

The GQ Pretty Boy


The Guy Who Rode the Family Coattails

and


NorCal's Answer to Matthew McConnaghey

You're bringing a nerd to a popular kid fight, Buffalo. And John Hughes doesn't write scripts for NFL games (that's Goodell, Ed Hochuli, and ESPN's job!) which means an ultimate end result of this:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arrow We at the Sheet are beginning to doubt the greatness and positional versatility that the staff of the FFMD12v1 Tennessee Titans would have had us believe in OL turned QB turned Punter turned Wide Receiver Eugene Amano. For such a talented individual, this current regime sure can't seem to get rid of him fast enough. Let's, of course, ignore the fact that this entire Amano business is really just a rehashing of what the Dallas franchise did to poor Alan Ball.
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Arrow Evidently Detroit is looking to make some trades. In light of recent news, and being the money-grubbing bastige that he and all of his professional ilk (even the horse variety) are, fret couldn't volunteer fast enough to be the one to go there and investigate this matter... and it's not like there aren't several Lions in need of a good lawyer these days. They're getting fret, so maybe the "good" part is a bit (ok... A LOT) flexible... but beggars can't be choosers, right? More from fret on that front as he... well... OK... don't expect to hear anything from him before the weekend.
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TommyC376


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2012 9:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The LBC wrote:
Arrow New Bills GM... um... it's Tommy-something isn't it? Did jbgobills pull of some sort of mitosis and spawn a new Bills fan? Can he teach me how to pull this off in the Chargers Forum? I digress... this guy Tommy is claiming that he's going to layeth the smacketh down(eth) on the other GM's. I don't care if the Rock did win on Sunday or how awesome he was in his hey day, I'm not sure I'd want to be comparing myself to any man who is capable of this:


Do we need to remind this gentleman that he's representing a franchise stationed in Buffalo - which according to Ron Bunrgundy is German for "Epic Fail". they're already on this path... a quarterback from Harvard, really? Did they learn nothing from high school? The most successful QB's in the league of late are:

The GQ Pretty Boy


The Guy Who Rode the Family Coattails

and


[size=9]NorCal's Answer to Matthew McConnaghey[/img]

You're bringing a nerd to a popular kid fight, Buffalo. And John Hughes doesn't write scripts for NFL games (that's Goodell, Ed Hochuli, and ESPN's job!) which means an ultimate end result of this:



We know how to clone Bills fans to make it look like we have a large fan base. We are that nerd in a bully fight but ...



So know your roll ... IF YA SMELL WHAT THE BILLS ....... ARE COOKIN!!

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fretgod99


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:25 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

WHAT IS GOING ON!? I'M SCARED!
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jrry32


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2012 3:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

This thread might be the funniest joke that The LBC has ever made. And no, it's not deliberately funny.
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The LBC


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 8:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

@LBCpwnsUrSoul wrote:
"Robison, why you runnin from TJ Lang?" #nutshotrevenge


Newly minted Houston Texan Brian Robison is the lowest type of man (I have to get my shots in now before ET comes along, sees that I'm picking on one of his little baby bulls, and edits this entire post away...). OK... maybe he hasn't gotten into Little Michael or for that matter George Michael (that guy just gives me the creeps, I can't help it...) levels here, but seriously. Despite the fact that I actually think Robison projects extremely well as a 3-4 OLB (for those who put value in it, plug him in for comparison on Waldo's pass-rusher formulas - his results come out really favorably)... I even think the value on the trade was good for both sides. That said, for all his forced fumbles and sacks last season, we will all remember Robison (and certainly TJ Lang will) for being 'the guy' to do this:



And now... he be runnin' away to Houston before one Thomas John Lang Junior has the opportunity to extract his revenge. It's such an obviously desperate and cowardly act of a man who realizes that Houston doesn't play the NFC North this season (save for a preseason tussle with his former Vikings squad) and he's hoping and praying that in the event the Texans and Packers do meet in 2012 it would be in the Super Bowl - allowing for as much time as possible for the sting on Lang's man-marbles to subside.

Don't think we at the Dirt Sheet don't see what you're doing, Brian... even if ET will deny it publicly. And when we see 'em we call 'em out around here. You probably were beating down Minnesota General Manager [UMN]'s door desperate to get that trade pushed through under the guise that you were just "homesick for your native Houston." Like those gangly, blue, hippie martians in Avatar, we see you, Robison.

And on behalf of the entire male gender we're calling you out to do the right thing by TJ Lang and your fellow men, we demand satisfaction in the Biblical sense (we mean an "eye for an eye," get your mind out of the gutter, sicko!). We expect Mr. Robison, during Houston's bye week of the 2012 season, to present himself at the 50 yard line of whatever game the Green Bay Packers are playing that week and submit to the same emasculation that was endured by TJ Lang... from TJ Lang. That's right, we expect you to willingly take the nutshot that is so well-deserved, Robison. Man up or we're going to sue to have your card revoked!
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jch1911


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The LBC wrote:
@LBCpwnsUrSoul wrote:
"Robison, why you runnin from TJ Lang?" #nutshotrevenge


Newly minted Houston Texan Brian Robison is the lowest type of man (I have to get my shots in now before ET comes along, sees that I'm picking on one of his little baby bulls, and edits this entire post away...). OK... maybe he hasn't gotten into Little Michael or for that matter George Michael (that guy just gives me the creeps, I can't help it...) levels here, but seriously. Despite the fact that I actually think Robison projects extremely well as a 3-4 OLB (for those who put value in it, plug him in for comparison on Waldo's pass-rusher formulas - his results come out really favorably)... I even think the value on the trade was good for both sides. That said, for all his forced fumbles and sacks last season, we will all remember Robison (and certainly TJ Lang will) for being 'the guy' to do this:

And now... he be runnin' away to Houston before one Thomas John Lang Junior has the opportunity to extract his revenge. It's such an obviously desperate and cowardly act of a man who realizes that Houston doesn't play the NFC North this season (save for a preseason tussle with his former Vikings squad) and he's hoping and praying that in the event the Texans and Packers do meet in 2012 it would be in the Super Bowl - allowing for as much time as possible for the sting on Lang's man-marbles to subside.

Don't think we at the Dirt Sheet don't see what you're doing, Brian... even if ET will deny it publicly. And when we see 'em we call 'em out around here. You probably were beating down Minnesota General Manager [UMN]'s door desperate to get that trade pushed through under the guise that you were just "homesick for your native Houston." Like those gangly, blue, hippie martians in Avatar, we see you, Robison.

And on behalf of the entire male gender we're calling you out to do the right thing by TJ Lang and your fellow men, we demand satisfaction in the Biblical sense (we mean an "eye for an eye," get your mind out of the gutter, sicko!). We expect Mr. Robison, during Houston's bye week of the 2012 season, to present himself at the 50 yard line of whatever game the Green Bay Packers are playing that week and submit to the same emasculation that was endured by TJ Lang... from TJ Lang. That's right, we expect you to willingly take the nutshot that is so well-deserved, Robison. Man up or we're going to sue to have your card revoked!


Point of order.... the Packers visit Houston this season (probably Week 2).... so TJ "Teenie Weenie or Tiny Johnson" Lang is more than welcome to visit Texas and experience some Southern Hospitality...

LMAO.... I have no idea what's going on between you and ET (and I know ET can handle himself)... but I had to defend the newest Texans' addition..... BTW was TJ untying shoes again (like his teammate did to Suh)? (I know you - and ET - are Global Mod Gods with 10K posts each and I haven't broken 1K, but I am ol skool.... gotta take down the biggest baddest bully if you want them to leave you alone)
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The LBC


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 07, 2012 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Who is this person acting like we at the Sheet care about his equivocations?

We don't write for you people - don't flatter yourselves! Laughing

We write for ourselves. We're all about the bling-bling, pinky-ring. Pay attention cuz we're only going to lay this out once.



^^ That's Megatron.



^^ We're Optimus Prime.



^^ And you people are nothing but little Gobots.
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fretgod99


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 10:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

LIONS FANS PINING FOR DAYS OF MILLEN

Newly ordained Lions GM Tyler2015 made the first of what is sure to be a long string of terribad team management decisions. First, he rids the team of 4th year head coach Jim Schwartz, apparently tired of the positive impact he was having on the team. Shortly following this off-the-wall decision, Tyler hired EnglishLion20 as the team's new head coach.

In a move that none but the most deranged do not find completely baffling, 2015 has hired a coach who has no experience playing or coaching the game at any level past a pickup game one time in a neighbor's yard and who, in fact, was unaware players could touch the ball with their hands until a reporter informed him of that fact at his first press conference.

When asked about the recent hire, film star and possible Lions fan Nathan Fillion had the following to say:


Shortly after the hire, rumors started swirling that Detroit management was actually considering changing the team mascot from the "Lions" to the "Silly Nannies".

Emerging reports have led draft experts to suspect that the top targets for Detroit in the upcoming draft are as follows:

1. Fictional cartoon character Peter Griffin
2. Former NFL RB and retired player Barry Sanders
3. Current NFL WR and Seattle Seahawk Mike Williams
4. Current Soccer superstar Cristiano Rinaldo

Upon being informed of this news, a Lions fan (wishing to remain anonymous) was heard to have said, "Man, I remember going 0-16 a few years back. Seemed like the worst thing that could ever happen to an NFL franchise. Doesn't seem so bad now." He then stared aimlessly into the distance, the last glimmer of hope draining from his sad, dead eyes.

More to come on the fallout of this decision as the information comes in.

UPDATE: The first ripples have appeared. It seems that some of the Lions faithful have considered a change of scenery to the warmer Arizona climate. Clearly this was a controversial decision, even within the organization itself. More as information arrives.

UPDATE: The front office appears to be going into a tailspin trying to control the onslaught of negative PR on the revelation by the fanbase at the recent acquisition of a self-proclaimed "soccer expert". It is also rumored that new head coach EnglishLions20 will now take over as position coach for kickers and punters, a position he could certainly excel at.

Aside from these recent in-house grumblings, there is little to report regarding impact trades or player swaps.

More as the story develops.
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SaveourSonics


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just got done teaching your wife how to French kiss, LBC.


As you can see, there are perks to this perception of SoS. You can thank me later for the magical things she can do with her tongue.


She invited me over for your Cinco de Mayo party this year. I'll see you then, stud muffin.

Sincerely,
SaveourSonics
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The LBC


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

BREAKING "NEWS"!!!

This just in... due to the rampant lack of use of codes by front offices in this version of FFMD (even you Cowboys, we see you using actual names), from this point onward all contributors at the Dirt Sheet will be giving our prognostications, projections, and rumors with the use of an extraordinarily clever cipher which I myself have already managed to forget entirely!

No... we don't expect you to believe that the Chiefs just drafted Diet Pepsi Machine (everyone knows DCM was drafted back in 2000, went to 5 Pro Bowls, and eventually retired in a scandal revolving around being supplied with some naughty no-no substances banned by the league - still denying to this day that it never had Coke Zero in it).
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UofMfan909


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 2:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I could definitely see LBC being a Nick Naylor type guy. After seeing the first post, I assume that's all that's being discussed in this thread right now.
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The LBC


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 4:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

There seems to be a great deal of infighting among the junior members running the show in Cincinnati.

And what a debate it is...

Juggernaut

versus


SNARF

While on the surface this might seem like a landslide given the identity that the Bengals want to take on - given that one is an unstoppable force and the other is best described as paunchy and a bit lazy... Cincinnati's actual front office has shown a penchant for those who are a little soft around the middle of late. And we shouldn't forget that Snarf does have the capability of becoming Snarf-ra.

This is, of course, assuming we at the Sheets aren't giving the Bengals staff a bit too much credit and they aren't actually targeting the Snarf from "Trollz".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, on a somewhat similar front, the New England Patriots and that swindler of souls Bill Belichick appear to be trying to move up through Cincinnati to head off the San Diego Chargers (and their war room that currently consists of one, all-be-he-exceedingly-dashing, man) to much debated prospect Sailor Mars.



While yes, Mars does come from a team where it's often difficult to gauge the effectiveness of the individual, she has long been though to be the most productive member of that team... I mean, c'mon she BURNS things!



In the event they are unable to land Mars, the Chargers are expected to look the way of Iceman, long overlooked Captain Power, or throw a true curveball by selecting the more controversial Pikachu. Evidently this Deadpool talk has been a bunch of bunk and little more than a smokescreen as Deadpool is not seen as more than a 3rd round prospect at best by most experts; and while the Chargers have been very liberal with their willingness to reach in the past... Deadpool would be even beyond their standards.



If the Chargers do pursue the likes of Pikachu (or Deadpool), many in the know project that they could well target the likes of the fearsome Betty White or the slightly less terrifying Apocalypse in the 2nd round.
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adamq


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 12, 2012 9:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

despite the lack of comments this thread is awesome.. so stop slackin'
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diamondbull424


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 13, 2012 2:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

adamq wrote:
despite the lack of comments this thread is awesome.. so stop slackin'

Agreed.
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